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November 20, 2005
Get Thee to a Nunnery.
I was completely unaware that we live in a society where at the tender age of 28, you can be considered at risk for becoming an old maid.
Recently, I've been subjected to the "concern" of various co-workers, acquaintances and the little old lady that lives next door.
Christ, people! I've been single for a few months, yet it seems people are as hell bent on finding me a husband as if they were bible thumpers scurrying to save my soul!
At first, it seemed innocent enough (though still bewildering since these people don't seem to understand that the passing of a 3 year relationship just might take some time to get over). Someone asked if I was dating yet. I replied with a firm no. "Oh, well I know someone in the finance department who likes you! He's cute!" (where am I? middle school???) "No, thank you.", I reply - as politely as I am able to these days.
Then another. "Are you seeing anyone new?". "Nope.", I state frankly. "Oh good! I have the perfect guy for you!" Sigh. I explain that I'm just not ready or interested yet. "You know, Sarah - you really shouldn't hide yourself away from the world! You'll never find the right man if you're not out there looking!" (Again, what century are we living in?)
A very sweet woman at work offers me her son! (This was by far, the least offensive - I thought it was adorable, but really... what could I say? No thank you.)
Then, the coup-de-grace. My deranged next door neighbor (seriously - I really should post some stories....) accosted me on a Monday morning as I had just put my car in reverse to head off to work. She comes running out of her apartment in her nightgown - frantically waving a piece of paper and shouting my name.
I place the car in neutral, pull the parking brake and roll down my window. She asks me if I remember the young man that came by this weekend to fix the water heater. Yes, I did vaguely remember the doofy looking plumber, complete with American flag boxers prominently sticking out from his jeans. (yeah. that made an impression. blech.) "Well, I was telling him what a nice girl you are and I told him how you were single and lived all by yourself and he'd like to take you out!" She looked like the cat that just swallowed the canary. Ever so proud of herself.
I'd like to pause here to point out that at no point in time have I ever discussed my "status" with this woman. She has surmised that I am single from the fact that I don't parade men in and out of my apartment. So, basically because I am not a whore, she has figured that I don't have a boyfriend. Hmm.
She continues, with a huge grin on her face expressing her pride in this kind deed, "He wrote down his number for you, here you go so you can give him a call right away!" Ah. So this is what she was flapping about wildly in her right handed deathgrip. "No, thank you. I'm not dating right now. I appreciate the thought." (LIE! She is in her 60's and a bit koo-koo, so I try to be nice.)
She persists. "But he's such a nice young man! Here, take the number and give him a call.". "No, thank you. I've just been through a bad breakup and I'm not ready to date yet. Thanks though." This should be the end, right? Not by a longshot.
"It was so bad that you wouldn't even go out with someone? Well, here - take the number so you can call him as soon as you're ready." She tried to shove the piece of paper into my hand. I refuse. "I'm not taking his number. I'm not interested."
"Well, I'm just trying to get you some company!"
Oh. My. God. In. Heaven.
"Listen, lady. I am not in need of company. I have plenty of company. I do not need company of the male persusasion for my life to have meaning or for me to be happy. I am fine. Thank you for the thought. I need to get to work now, or I will be late."
I peeled out of there, leaving her in the driveway - still looking completely befuddled about why I wouldn't give this complete stranger, whose love for his country extends all the way down to his undergarments, a call..... after all, I'm in my late twenties and living all by myself. Why would I turn away a man?
WHO SAID I NEEDED TO FIND A MAN?!?!?! I have expressed NO interest in this! Perhaps that's what has them all so concerned... Oh, something must really be wrong with her - She doesn't flirt! She doesn't look! She's gotten so despondent that she might miss her chance at landing a husband! Whatever will happen to her?
Now, I've survived breakups before (granted - this one is the worst). At no time prior to this, have I ever been approached by so many people trying to set me up with someone! As a matter of fact, I don't think it has ever happened before!
Here's my theory as to why:
I just turned 28 years old.
These ladies are concerned that my ship might have sailed. That if I don't get out there NOW (!), all hope may be lost. At 22, I never evoked so much concern and emotion over my dating status. No one was worried then! A mere 6 years later..... and it's a crisis.
Too bad I'm not religious. I could go off to a convent and people would think it noble not to marry. Be single for a little too long in the secular world and you're thought to have a mental illness.
Okay, so 'fess up. I can't be the only one subjected to this. Anyone out there share my pain? Anyone?
Posted by Sarah at November 20, 2005 1:51 PM
Posted to getting SNIPPY
Comments
here is my theory why...you are adorable, interesting, seem to be a really nice person, and people can't believe that you are single. and...the older generation...ok, maybe everyone, think that if you are single, you are lonely and missing out. not many people understand what it is to be able to stay home and have more fun stuff to do than if you went out. so try to be flattered. although, i am sure after a break up, you really don't want to hear it. and, at the risk of sounding like a total dork, if you got a spinning wheel...you would be a spinster, even if you were married. ha! so i am a spinster! forever. no matter what. and that is kind of cool. no?
love your bloggy.
Posted by: natasha fialkov at November 20, 2005 11:13 PM
One of my male friends married a Korean woman who was (long in the tooth at) 27. When we asked her cousin at the "engagement party" if she was surprised (they hadn't been dating long) she said, "well S. is almost thirty." Oh, right, so she should rush right out and marry the first guy who looks cross-eyed at her. (I had to be offended, since I got married at 34.)
So yes, you are living in a different century than the rest of the world. Good luck with that.
Posted by: Anna at November 21, 2005 11:42 AM
Unfortunately, it doesn't stop when you get married, although the subject changes a bit. It turns into the "why haven't you gotten preggers yet?" question. Good Lord, can't I just be happily married for like um a couple of years before getting knocked up?
Posted by: Skylar at November 21, 2005 1:10 PM
Hey don't worry, ignore ignore ignore...people are always asking me if I'm married, have a boyfriend, have kids, and when I say no they are sufficiently shocked...but if I want to be a real pain in the ass I tell them the truth (especially to right wing christians!) - I'm living in "sin" with my girlfriend/partner of 5 years and just because I'm femme, and so is she, why do you assume I'm straight! The looks are priceless!
Posted by: Marie at November 21, 2005 2:40 PM
unfortunately, after have the first kid, they ask when the next one's coming. I think they just need to ask questions. There will always be questions, and they think they're helping. Someone shoot me if I get to be like that when I'm old(er).
So, did you call the patriotic man? :)
Posted by: Karen at November 21, 2005 11:23 PM
Hey, we can be the single Sarah's! I'm 31 and still single. At least you haven't yet had people assume you are gay because you aren't married yet.
Posted by: PuppyMomma at November 22, 2005 12:33 AM
Look.. you are a person who gives a damn.. That in itself is very important. Who cares if you have found your man. YOU GIVE A DAMN. That's important.
Posted by: Anonymous at November 22, 2005 2:36 AM
and you are very beautiful .. inside and out
Posted by: Anonymous at November 22, 2005 2:48 AM
It doesn't stop if you have a bf either... then the question becomes "When is he going to propose?"
There seems to be some general assumpion that my bf of 3 years is an ass who won't commit and my life just won't be complete without a ring.
Please.
Posted by: Chrissie at November 22, 2005 7:33 AM
Chrissie, try being the one who doesn't want to get married. My mother just kept asking, "why doesn't he want to marry you?" (I must be doing something wrong.)
This reminds me of my mother explaining to my 36 year old sister that she might get a husband if she didn't sleep with men on the first date (which she doesn't do).
Posted by: Anna at November 22, 2005 11:09 AM
I feel your pain. When I was single, I live in Manhattan, so I wasn't harassed as much because I surrounded myself with other smart, single women. I felt more of this in cities like Philadelphia and Seattle. I also feel a bit of this pressure now, even though I'm with Joe. When are we getting married? When are we having children? We're happy as we are, and I never wanted children, so I'm delighted to find a man who doesn't think this makes me a horrible, heartless woman.
Who pesters single men nearing 30 to marry? Anyone? Or is "being a bachelor" acceptable?
Posted by: Gina at November 22, 2005 9:00 PM