Scissorina

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January 24, 2006

Ask and Ye Shall Receive

Ok, so my trial download for Paint Shop Pro is up for the umpteenth time and they are not letting me use it anymore. So, while I try to figure out how to tell my digicam to take smaller pictures (eww... reading the owner's manual), I am sans photography... I'd love to show you my progress on the Somewhat Cowl and the mega progress I've made on organizing my office slash craft room... but apparently that will have to wait.

So, I must ask myself... What shall I write about that does not require photographic evidence? I know! I'll tell you how I've discovered that 2006 is a kick ass year fer sure.

Once the clock struck Midnight on the last evening of the Hell that was 2005, I straight away decided that this little scissorina was no longer going to be down in the dumps. I'm all about efficiency and spending even one more minute punishing myself for something I didn't do suddenly seemed like the biggest waste of my time... EVER.

So. I started to focus on what I really dig about my life. I started to think about things I wanted to happen for me. And I started to feel better. (I hear a collective "duh!" out there. You're allowed.) Most importantly, I started to recall this memory that I used to firmly believe that your entire existence is only what you create. Be it chaotic, dramatic, exuberant, comfortable, exciting... it is what you make it. Somewhere along my way these past three years, I lost track of that. (Especially in the last year... my focus was never my own life. I was pretty much always concerned with someone else's happiness.)

SO, armed with this newfound/rekindled sense of control over my own destiny, I noticed that really good things started to happen all of the sudden.

In the past 24 days:

~My manager realized that my workload was horrendous. And while she commended me for doing a top notch job - so much so that she didn't realize how crazy things had gotten - she is doing some rebalancing and I'll now be supporting only one person and I can actually focus on what's going on! Less overtime, less stress and a better feeling at the end of the day. I can dig into the work I'm doing and stop being such a robot. This breeds a sense of accomplishment, folks! Woo!

~My manager then gave me a great yearly review. It really made me feel good that she pointed out that she knew I had a hard year (she wasn't aware of my personal situation - I like to keep my own insanity on the d.l.). When my friend Sharon passed away last year, I was chosen to take her position. Talk about big shoes to fill... But, it was really nice to hear someone I worked for tell me that she thought I handled a difficult situation with grace. Sometimes people in the corporate world don't like to talk about things like that - it meant something to me that she was willing to do so. (And that sweet review means I have a good chance of getting a good bonus when the time comes - YEAH!)

~I hung out with the ex's Mom, his niece (who over the course of 3 years, kinda became my niece) and her Mom. I was kind of nervous - I didn't know if it would make me sad or not. But it was AWESOME! The doodle came running up the stairs to my apartment saying "Aunt Sarah!!" and greeted me with a big hug and kiss. We all hung out and talked about life in general... They didn't bring him up even once. It made my day. It made me feel amazing that they really were there to see me. :) We had a great time - as did the doodle... She spent most of the time trying to teach Flane tricks and giggle as Kyra kissed the bejeezus out of her.

~I discovered - by accident! - that my most favoritest person that I spent time with when I was at college now works at the same company I do! We weren't so good at keeping in touch after I left (okay... I wasn't so good at keeping in touch after I left. I was a total jerk. I suck at keeping friends... I tend to drift. But, I'm improving!), so we hadn't spoken in 4 or 5 years. I sent him an email and we've been talking since. The last semester I was in school, I was pretty much losing my shit. All my other friends were taking the "just suck it up and stick it out" approach - none of them would listen. He was the only one who kinda got it. It helped immensely. Just talking to him the past couple of weeks has sparked this memory of that badass girl who didn't let anyone get her down. She did what she wanted, when she wanted. On her terms. And she was a good time, to boot. Weird timing, right? Just when I'm feeling good again and starting to remember what I'm all the fuck about in the first place? Bam! Another reminder! Not to mention, he was a great friend, and I'm very happy to have him around again.

~Last Tuesday at the Scissor Squad, Christine hands me a flaming red Gameboy Advance SP. I'm SERIOUS. I had mentioned at an earlier date that the ex had stolen some shit around my house - and of course I didn't notice until I moved. More than all the money he stole, the GBA hurt the most. I had to save my pennies like crazy to get one (cuz, umm, I had been spending all my $ on someone's rent and someone's bills.... I hear a collective moan... You're allowed.) and ran out at 6am the first day it was on sale and drove 45 minutes to get it. It was a silly little thing, but it meant a lot to me. She said her kids all had one and that they never used them, so she brought it for me. Can you stand it? She, like me, believes in karma - she said she had the means to do something nice for someone so she did it. Amazing.

~That night we got into a discussion about karma and making good things happen for yourself and I was telling them how great I was feeling since I decided to feel great... I got home later, didn't feel sleepy so I turned on the TV - what's on? What the bleep do we Know? Haven't seen it? Neither had I. Ridiculously cool - and all about exactly what I was talking about all night, but with a healthy dose of physics added to the mix. (I'm a closet science geek, remember.) Go rent it/netflix it/buy it whatever - just SEE it. It was trippy that it was there waiting for me that night....

~My stomachaches that have been plaguing me for 5 months have disappeared.

~I've gotten more than 6 hours sleep three nights in a row.

~My dog is happier. A mama can just tell.

~I'm overall more energetic, cheerful, full of beans (in a good way) and productive than I have been in well over a year.

Basically, life is hella good. And life is going to continue to be hella good.

Why?

Because I'm Sarah and I say so, goddamnit!

Posted by Sarah at January 24, 2006 9:07 PM
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Comments

Posted by: christy at January 25, 2006 2:03 AM

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